1 September 2016

Why I took a break from blogging


Wow it feels like such a long time since I have posted a new blogpost. It's been over a month since my last post. Which is the longest break I've had from blogging in a long time. I thought it was only fair I fill you in on why I haven't been blogging. 

I have touched upon my issues with my mental health before yet have felt they had been under control, until a few months ago.

I suddenly realised I wasn't coping again and had let things like my anxiety take a hold of me. So I decided to take a step back from blogging for a while and use that extra time to look after myself. 

Anxiety is a constant cycle and once you let it get out of hand, it is so hard to break. I'll feel anxious so I won't go out, so then I'll feel isolated and guilty about letting people down. Which leads me to feel depressed and I'll worry about everything. This in turn makes me feel even more anxious. 

I don't really know at what age I started to suffer with mental health problems but it was first addressed when I was roughly 15. I have had lots of different types of therapy and counselling over the years since then.

I haven't ever coped well with stress or change they are some of my main triggers. After getting help with my underlying issues and stopping all of my old unhealthy coping mechanisms, I was left feeling overly anxious. 

From about the age of 20 I was crippled with anxiety to the point I didn't leave the house. I had lost a tremendous amount of weight due to the constant worrying and developed a unhealthy relationship with food. Whenever I'd have an anxiety attack I felt that I was going to be sick or go to the toilet. I hated feeling full and I wouldn't want to eat before going out or seeing people, in case I needed the dreaded panic poo! Lol 

My mum and fiancĂ© Dave saw how ill I was and literally dragged me to the doctors. I was put on medication and had CBT. which helped me get out and about slightly more. After being referred to lots of different doctors and trying lots of different combinations of tablets and therapies. I was so much better than I was. I could eat in front of people and was managing to go out with my friends again,even managing to attend a few events with Dave. Even though I was a lot better I still battled with my anxiety on and off with it coming in waves. 

Yet things changed, all got on top of me again a couple of months ago. my panic attacks were happening more and more frequently,which made my circle of places I felt safe get smaller. I was getting down about having to miss out on opportunities because of my anxiety. Then I ended up having a massive panic attack at home for no reason and I thought enough was enough, I clearly wasn't coping anymore. so I decided I would go back to the doctors and take a break from blogging to focus on getting back on track. The doctors have changed up my tablets and I'm now finding things a bit easier since the tablets have kicked in. I'm now in a much better place for fighting my anxiety even though it's still an ongoing problem, it is improving. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends and family around me who have been with me every step of the way. 

I hope this helped you understand why I haven't been as active on here and on social media. If you're suffering with anxiety or any other mental health problem please do go seek help. You're not on your own and you don't have to suffer in silence. Thanks for all your emails and tweets etc asking me if I'm ok! Your support means the world to me. Although I'm not anxiety free and still struggle to get out on my own I'm getting there! 

If you'd like to see more posts about my anxiety, living with a mental illness or if you have any questions please let me know!  Or if you just need someone to talk too I'm always here.

Lots of love, 
Laura x

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